Straight talk
FAQ
Three questions people actually ask. Three answers that don’t hide behind fine print.
Why?
Because your neighbor’s window shouldn’t be an open invitation. I saw teenagers smash that line once — beer in one hand, Maglite in the other — and they ran. That’s why. Someone has to show up. I do.
Are you a creep?
No. I’m the opposite of the stranger in the bushes. I patrol in the open, lights on, on a bike, for the families who asked me to watch. Creepy is lurking. What I do is neighborhood watch with the volume turned up.
Where’s my beer?
He’s always drinking — on duty and off. Coors Light keeps the patrol honest. If you find his beer, text him; he’ll come get it (and check your street while he’s there).